The Lifelong Learner         by Stanley Kubasek | About Me |

This is some funny stuff, but you know what? This is really true. A woman has a lot of expectations, a lot of needs, while a man just wants to be free. :-) I'm not sure where this originated from -- I received it in an email by a coworker.

It's not difficult ... ?!?
All you have to do is to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :
1. Leave him in peace, NO Nagging (very, very, very important).
2. Feed him well, in both food and bed!
3. Let him have the remote control.

This is a great joke I came across at The New York Nerd blog, recommended by Reddit.

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Reference
The New York Nerd

Do you think learning about management is boring? Not if you learn from Rahul Chaudhary. This is some funny stuff. And educational.

Reference
Management Lessons by Rahul Chaudhary

No way! Oh, man. That is my reaction to this revenge-to-telemarketer story. You should read it -- here 's the link. A great story.

Are you ready for some fun? It's been a while since I posted in this category. The Trunk Monkey commercials are always fun. Here is a version 3 of the commercial.

TrunkMonkey (~1MB).

Wow! That's a pretty good auto commercial. It will get your adrenaline pumping! Watch out.

Classic Auto Commercial (3.5 MB)

Thanks Rob.

JibJab.com -- watch this little flash movie and you'll laugh -- I did. :-) What is it? It's basically Bush making fun of Kerry and vice versa. Very ironic. But on target!!! Highly recommended. :-))))

VOTED BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2003 (That's some funny stuff, I think.)

You haven't seen anything like this! This is pretty cool. The tag line of the commericial, "Isn't is nice when things just work."

Watch it here. Very interesting (Thanks Rafal.)

Supposedly, the whole commercial was done without any computer animation, without any editing and with only one camera. It only took them 606 times, 24 days of filming and 7 months of planning. Impressive anyway :-)

A second, even better I think, version of the Trunk Monkey. That's some good stuff. :-)))

Check it out here. (Thanks Rafal.)

Time to see a funny movie clip :-)))))

A classic car race: "Wanna race?" Got to see it. (Thanks Rob.)

Get it here (~1MB).

To see more funny movie clips, check out uglypeoplesuck.com (good name, I know :-))

I don't know if you've heard that Mike Tyson, the heavy-weight boxer, filed for bankruptcy again. It did not surprise me to hear that. What I found interesting, though, is that his cell-phone bill was $200K (yeah, two hundred thousand). Wow! How do you make that many calls? Or, how many other charges do you incur? I would say that would be virtually impossible. Then again, we're talking about Tyson: not a man, a beast.

A dose of entertainment for the weekend.

Wow! That's what I call a good Lotto commercial. Check out the movie clip here (~2MB) -- it is some good stuff!

US comedian and actor, George Carlin, strikes again. Good for a laugh! (Thanks Mike.)

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread
to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more
as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final
exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

You'll find some more quotes from George here.

A dose of entertainment.

If this was a MasterCard commercial, a tagline would be: "Getting a copy like that: Priceless." -- see the movie clip, it is pretty good.

Answer yourself by looking at the following pictures. Some are pretty good! And funny, of course.

Pics: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Do you know what the real name for Dikembe Mutombo from the NY Knicks? Well, now you do (I bet you're not going to remember it :-)):

Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo

Wow! That's a long name!

Weekly dose of Entertainment:

1) Don't take any diving lessons from this (fat) boy! Movie clip.

2) Ever seen a streaker? I haven't, until now. Check it out.

3) Look at this old guy demonstrating a product on tv -- all nervous and stuff. Clip.

That's it for now. Hope you enjoyed it.

Apparently, Microsoft is ordering Macs! However, they do not want anybody to know about it. So, this one guy, who worked for MS at the time, took a picture and posted it on his blog. Sure enough, he got fired when MS found out about it! Pretty funny!

See the story here and a picture of G5s ordered here.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with a direct object.

Johnny: Teacher, everybody thinks you're beautiful.

Teacher: Thank you, Johnny, but what is the object?

Johnny: A good report card.

Arrowhead Beer
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This is got to be the best beer commercial out there. Check it out!

Toyota Corolla
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Interesting clip...

Oh, this is the funniest clip I've seen in a while (~1MB) -- link

I got it from UglyPeopleSuck.com -- check it out.