The Lifelong Learner :: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are -Roosevelt ::

I learned a lot by listening to these two books. They both contain similar information, but I think they compliment each other.

What did I learn? I used to think that punishment is a good way to discipline kids. I don’t mean hitting, but punishing for the wrong things. I see now that my thinking was wrong.

Punishing does not work! The result of punishment is that kids are just more careful and try not to get caught. There are better ways of making sure that the message gets across.

The most important thing is (I knew this was the key): pay attention to your kid’s feelings. Listen to your kid. Even if he is complaining. Listening is probably the most important thing that you can do to help your kid. Put yourself into his mind, think what he is going/went through, ask him to tell you more. Pay attention. By listening first, you have a chance that your kid will listen to you as well.

If however, you have a kid that misbehaves, there are ways to attack that. You hope you only have to take the first few steps. First, tell him to stop. Second, tell him how you feel and what you expect. Third, give him a choice (“you can either sit in the cart or walk and not run”). Fourth, and this is instead of punishment, take action, make him pay (I guess this is a form of a punishment): if you go to a store, and your kid insists on going, ask him why you’re going alone; offer to take him next time but not this time. Do not give in (this is important to teach him a lesson).

Don’t label your kid. Don’t call him names. Always concentrate on what he did wrong, not on him. Remember that your kid wants to be loved, and if you call him “you’re stupid,” “you’re slow,” etc, he will feel rejected. You don’t want that. Instead. tell him that you’re not happy with his action, and tell him your expectations.

Another good solution to your kids behavioral problem (when you’re running out of options) is to sit down with him and brainstorm for possible solutions. Tell him that you can both try to solve the problem. Ask him what he can do. Brainstorm for ideas. Write it down. You offer solutions as well. Write them down without discussing. After you come up with some solutions, you pick the ones that can work for both of you. The kid feels in charge this way.

Overall, good information contained in these books. I learned some new techniques, confirmed some of the ones that I had. All of the methods discussed in these books are good ones.